Perspective.

A few weeks ago as I was brushing Ava's hair after her bath I noticed a tiny strand of knots down the back of her neck. I knew they were her lymph nodes but there were so many of them it didn't seem normal. The next day I called and spoke to a nurse at her doctor's office and she told me to just keep an eye on them and if they got bigger to bring her in. I also looked up online and read about them. I read that in thin children or adults you can feel the lymph nodes and see them more. And Ava is very tiny.So after speaking to the nurse I didn't really worry much about them.
Last night after her bath I was brushing her hair again and notice just one of them were bigger. Going from pea sized to peanut sized. I panicked. My brain started twisting and turning. I started thinking the worst. I don't know why I do that. I have a very very wild imagination and sometimes it gets the best of me. I tried to get the thought out of my head and just told myself that I would take her to the Dr. as soon as they opened in the morning. So, I tossed and turned all night. For hours all I thought about was what if it was bad. I thought of all the things I have wanted to do with her and the things I haven't done. I don't know if I was being dramatic but for me when its my child I can get a little crazy. I thought about how she's asked me for several weeks to take her out for a girls day, she wants to get her hair done at a salon with pretty curls, she wants to get her nails painted and spend time alone with me. I thought about how I had told her we'll do it soon but still had not made plans to do it. I thougt as soon as we get home from the dr. I am going to plan it all. I'm going to make it happen. We have no time to waste. She's only little once.

Thankfully everything at the doctors office went fine. I had butterflies in my stomach all morning and when we pulled in the parking lot I felt sick.I don't know why I automatically thought the worst, maybe its just part of being a mother. The most impossible love. You worry about them all the time. You want them to be safe, to be healthy, to be happy. 
Maybe its the mother who just found out her baby has cancer for the second time. A family I don't even know. But my heart breaks so much for them. I pray for this little girl I've never met and I pray for her family.

I felt a huge relief when we left there today. I thanked God the whole way home. I kissed her and hugged her a little longer.


If there is one thing I've learned from this, its to cherish every moment. Don't sweat the small stuff. Love your family, Love your babies, hold them tight and kiss them. Don't put off those little things that make lasting memories for your kids.

Oh how I love this girl.................

Oh and me and Ava have a date for this saturday! And I cannot wait!