motherhood

This is my life right now.

Its not always pretty, sometimes downright ugly.
Sometimes, its  beautiful and breathtaking.

One thing is for sure, its not easy.

And, I guess I never really expected it to be.  I always always  knew I wanted to be a mother, I loved it from the very start.  I love it now, I'll love it always. Its harder somedays than others, they're growing up, I'm getting older, I'm tired ,I doubt myself, I think we all do at times. I'm so very thankful that I'm able to step back and see the bigger picture right now,

I'm sitting in a quiet living room, sipping red wine, the window is open, I hear the crickets and every now and then the cat meows. It peaceful, there's somehting in the quiet that makes you reflect. Makes you appreciate all that you  have.

At one point today, I lost it, between trying to unload groceries, bake a cake, and remember all the things on my to-do list, I walked around the corner to Evelyn pouring the nailpolish on her dress, hand and feet. I wanted to cry, Eli was talking non-stop and I wanted to run and hide, I was overwhelmed. I prayed, and God heard me.

He always does.

One day I'll look back on these days and feel sad for how fast they went, but I'll mostly feel joy, because I was there right in the middle of it all and I would never trade that for anything in the world. Even the crazy days.