Being a mama is hard sometimes.

There's something about this time of year that brings out the sheer joy in me. I love the grass turning greener the tree's starting to flower and bloom and flowers poping up here and there.
Although today is rainy and gloomy we had a beautiful sunny, warm day yesterday. It made me want summer here now! The kids were out of school and we started off a little rocky. I was tired and cranky, I lost my temper way too many times  before 9 a.m. If I heard the words, "Mama, look at me!" one more time I was going to scream. I literally could not look away for a second without hearing,"you didn't look" , "you missed it!" But I looked for ten minutes staright and didn't blink until my eyes were about to dry up out of my head but as soon as I looked away that was when the perfect cartwheel was done or the perfect skateboard flip or whatever it is they want me to see. I couldn't win. I needed the kids to help me clean the floors, the day before the family was here for Easter and it rained so it was muddy and hairy (from the dog, of course) I asked Ava to vacuum and Eli to mop. Ava had a fit because she likes to mop and since she got to mop last time I let Eli mop this time. Yes, this is actually a fight in our house. She got smart and I got upset, I raised my voice, I said a few not nice things and she was crying. She wanted to listen to the ipod while she vacuumed. Problem is, her ears are too tiny for the earbuds, Eli actually let her wear his beats, so that worked out but her pockets are too small for the ipod, she has a tiny hiny,her pockets are microscopic. This started fight #2.I felt really bad. I had to step away. Which usually means I lock myself in the bathroom,which I did. I prayed for patience, kindness, and love. I needed it.
I took a deep breathe and we started over. We apologized and hugged and kissed. All was right with the world again. Mama's aren't perect and I've realized that. I do try not to beat myself up too bad.It was a rough morning.

We cleaned , Evelyn took a nap and we went out to lunch. It was a good time. We took a walk after lunch, the kids played along the way. Ava worked on her cartwheels and Eli did as many skateboard tricks as he could. Evelyn laughed and loved the wind in her face. The fresh air was just what we all needed. I almost think I would live outside if I could. Its peaceful.

This time with them made me so excited about the summer coming up. Getting to spend everyday with them is all I want. I know it gets hard sometimes, but all good things are hard sometimes. You have to work hard at it and at the end of the day its all worth it.Being a mom is the best most important job I will ever have.

Eli has really had me working hard lately. I feel like he's grounded more than not. He's growing up and testing the waters, he's pushing the limits. He wants to see what he can get away with and  sometimes its to my breaking point, I know this is the job I want. I wouldn't trade it for anything, I also know I can't be lazy about it,. He's grounded from his friends, video games,and t.v.  I see such a huge difference in his behaivor with all of these things absent. I love being with him. I love the simpleness of not having all of the other distractions. He's a good boy and taking all of this away has made it even more clear to me.

Motherhood is like spring in a way. You bloom and grow, you change.
Everyday is a new beginning.
(Thank you, God!)
You mess up but you say your sorry and start over, your kids still love you and forgive you. And you know they will mess up and say things they don't mean, but you forgive them even if they don't ask for it. If I love them this much, I can't even imagine the love God has for us. Its overwhelming.

Hope you all had a wonderful Easter!

This was Evelyn's first.............